straight out of england.........

i got this email from a buddy of mine over across the pond. i asked if i could post it on my blog for some entertainment value. this english bastard cracks me up. enjoy.....i know i did....especially the "working light saber" part. anyways, credit to the author who due to his wife maybe finding this blog entry on a google search with his first name and him ending up sleeping on the couch for the next few years over it...i'll refer to him as the "cranky english bastard,"
or something similiar with either "brit" or "english something or other" in the name.

these "rants/emails" will be a regular thing on my blog...assuming that irish loving, prince charles and harry worshiping brit keeps sending them. i have a few real nasty ones i kept in my email box...i may back post them...but of course i have to get permission first.

to the cranky englishman......thanks, mate. btw, we yanks love that we keep stealing the best brits like gordon ramsey, craig ferguson, sharon and ozzy osbourne, sir richard branson, etc. from you. the more the merrier...it won't be long before you go outside in your skivvies to get the morning paper....and realize your the only englishman left in england. well besides mel gibson who is only there to film another english embarrasing film like the american revolution sequel....where we chase those pansy brits back to england except this time on english soil....while biatch slapping them and knocking their powdered wigs off their big heads....or wallace prt2...where wallace's ghost comes back and pisses on the king's head.:)



Rant


Well, I can't rant to anymore else without fear of it getting back to someone so your it.

F**king wedding photos,

Now don't get me wrong, I loved my wedding day, it was without question the greatest day ever and I love my darling wife more then anything, well bar maybe a real fully working lightsaber, but bar that yeah anything.

But of my god the pictures are now starting to get right on my tits, there's 1303 in total, 1015 from the wedding day and the rest made up from honey moon snaps and other disposable cameras which were dotted around on the day.

So the nightmare starts with my wife and the in laws start looking at the pictures on the laptop each and every time we visit, which is around 3 times a week and its take almost 3 bast**d hours to look through them all. So if that wasn't bad enough having to enjoy this 3 months after the f*cking day 2-3 times a week is a tw*t of a pain in the ass, the real problems start when the mother in-law has finally chosen the 70+ pictures she wants printing.

So off we go to the shopping centre (or Mall in your case) with a CD full of pictures which this time of years like fishing for sh1t at a local pig farm, the cd I must adds been recopied 3 times already. I'm not sure how it works over your end of the pond but here you can take digital picture into a printing shop which has large touch screen computers allowing you to print picture off there and then in whatever size you want, then it's a simple case of taking the final bit case girl and paying, its very cheap and quick NORAMLLY

I would have rather gone navy seal training after telling the drill instructor within the first hour I thought he's northing more then a man loving sh1t eating interracial midget f*cking weirdo.

Yes it was that bad, 4 hours of – which size should I have that, Oh can we start again before we print. My brain was melting. Of course the hardest part is keeping a smiley happy face. I haven't even started on my wife's bast**d album yet and all the pictures have now been installed onto be beloved Playstation 3 so the pictures can be viewed f*cking anytime of the f*cking day.

Rant over – bar my cu*t of a roofs still leaking and my back door still pisses in like a tramp urinating against the door and I'm down to my last Million, its hard times in dark England these days with the massive fall in house prices and people not spending, company's going bust everywhere.

But at least you now have the right man in power from next year don't you buddy, oh hang on didn't you vote for the other guy – sorry buddy, to be honest I (we) over here don't really understand what it means for you guys (or us), most people in England just keep saying how he's going to be shot within the first week. Personally I really hope that isn't the case because it wouldn't help America, all it would do is portray American's as being very racist, I believe in treating everyone the same regardless of where or what country they are from. (With the exception of you)

Of and on a final note – Call of duty – World at war – stunning excellent game, I would love to shot your sad yank ass up with a German MP40.

What a thought


Your best pal